Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
