I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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