I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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