If i could tip my vagina, i would.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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