And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
