I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
