remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
