Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
