Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
