Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
