walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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