Already got asked if we're dating
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
