obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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