i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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