I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
