omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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