My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
