Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
