Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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