All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
