I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
