OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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