im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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