Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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