Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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