If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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