so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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