Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
