So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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