I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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