Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
