I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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