there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
