I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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