What a fucking waste of an outfit
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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