A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
