Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
someone owes me an orgasm
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
