I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
