Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
