i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
