Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
