If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
