Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
