omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
