Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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