did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
