If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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