He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
