we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
