we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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