Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
