The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
